If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
