Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
