508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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