Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
