____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
