Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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