He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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