she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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