i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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