They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
