i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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