There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
