Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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