I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
