I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
