Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize