it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
