Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
