I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
