Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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