I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
