I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
