i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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