dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
