just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
