my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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