my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
there is glitter all over my balls
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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