Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
