I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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