her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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