I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
