so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
