White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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