The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
