Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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