I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
