we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
