Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize