Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
