Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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