The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
