and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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