Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
