your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
