There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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