Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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