I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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