Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it's like iHOP with fire
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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