Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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