I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
