I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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