Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
