I think my fart just growled at me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
