Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
