you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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