All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
