you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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