He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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