he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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