that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
id be glad to
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
