I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
