I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
