Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
