she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
