i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
