my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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