I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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