Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Randomize
