And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
