Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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