If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
