i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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