Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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