Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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