bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When are your genitals available?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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