The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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