a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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