a queef is a wish your heart makes.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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