I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
