i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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