In the future we'll all be gay
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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