Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
