I puked a lego.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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